What is reasonable with regard to the question, “How far is too far?” I’ve been quite surprised in the past couple of years with how much confusion there seems to be with what is smart with regard to physical boundaries between and a girl and a guy who are in a “dating” relationship.
I know some of the people who read this might be shocked at how conservative and prudent my views are with this, but please hear me out, and then you can decide for yourself..
First and foremost, sex is a WONDERFUL and SACRED gift from God that we are to ENJOY!!!!…..within certain boundaries… Biblically, there is no argument to support premarital sex being acceptable to God. It is clear.. Sex is to be enjoyed only with your WIFE. Not fiance, not girlfriend, WIFE… So….sex is out until marriage.
Now with the rest of what I’m going to mention about the physical aspect of dating, I want you to think about one thing first. In seeking the answer to this question, in trying to figure out what you should place as your physical boundaries in a relationship, what is your goal??
As born-again believers, our goal should be to stay physically pure! Don’t just ask, “How far can I go?” But ask also, “What boundaries should I put in place in order to make absolutely sure that I stay absolutely pure?”
It is clear from Scripture that premarital sex is sinful. But what else is clear is that to LUST after a woman in your heart is sinful!
Now, if our goal is to stay physically pure…and if a part of staying physically pure is to keep yourself from LUSTING (sexual desiring or thinking about), then what is the appropriate physical boundaries for a dating relationship between Christians? (assuming both people are Christians, which should be the case because God commands not to be yoked with an unbeliever)
Here’s a list of physical actions and whether or not I think they stay in line with what Scripture says about physical purity WITHIN A DATING RELATIONSHIP.
1. ANYTHING involving nudity: ORAL SEX included….etc.. Obviously you can’t be involved in this and stay mentally and physically pure.
2. “sex with clothes on,” fondling of sexual body parts…given: once again you can’t be involved in this and stay mentally and physically pure within a dating relationship…
3. making out: I don’t know of any guy who would say that he has made out with a girl and did not end up sexually lusting after her.. CHRISTIAN GIRLS: PLEASE KNOW: I would say it’s nearly impossible for a guy to make out with a girl without his mind wandering. Seriously: GUYS: DON’T BE STUPID, DON’T PUT YOURSELF IN THAT SITUATION. THE GOAL IS ABSOLUTELY PURITY. GIRLS: HELP HIM OUT AND DON’T PUT YOURSELF IN THAT SITUATION.
4. Kissing: This is where there seems to be different opinions. I would say kissing is fine within a healthy Christ-glorifying dating relationship. I do say this with one BIG reservation/suggestion: Kissing means something. Make sure there is a solid foundation before ever considering allowing this physical aspect into your relationship.
I hope this helps in your considerations with what is appropriate in a dating relationship between two people who have embraced Christ as their Lord and Savior.